ROGER WATSON COLUMN: Doughnuts and chicken never hurt like this before

Published 7:53 am Saturday, June 15, 2019

Remember fourth or fifth grade when teachers had the parents all sign a form to give permission to attend the much-dreaded Family Life class.

It was a big deal as the boys and girls were separated into different classes and we learned about the changes our bodies would undergo through adolescence.

Now, I recently turned 50 and I wish there was a class to tell me what happens to the body going through middle age and up. So far, it hasn’t been nearly as fun as adolescence.

My vision is getting worse, my weight only seems to move in the wrong direction and a full night’s sleep is a rare thing.

I always wondered why my grandfather had to put on a pair of glasses to see things up close. My vision has always been bad with hereditary nearsightedness, but my glasses always worked the same from far away and up close.

Roger Watson

Now, my reading classes are as important as keys and my phone. They have to be with me wherever I go. I should probably just get bifocals, but I am stubborn and not willing to take that step yet.

That’s an admission of getting old like actually joining the AARP or accepting the senior discount at McDonald’s. I’m not there yet. Just wait a couple months. I’m going downhill fast.

Usually I try not to step on a scale, but I passed one at the YMCA recently, just curious about how I was doing. The answer was not too good as my weight had hit a number I had not seen before.

The scale was obviously malfunctioning. I found another scale. Same result. We have a problem.

Since coming to Albemarle, I have been exercising more than ever. I typically go on three-mile runs four times a week. Maybe not runs. More like jogs, or some better runners would probably term them as a middle-age guy plodding along like he’s chasing a doughnut rolling down the sidewalk. Exercise isn’t the problem.

Food is the problem. I like it. It doesn’t help that there is a Bojangles every half mile here. And then there’s Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Did you know that one Krispy Kreme raspberry-filled doughnut has 350 calories? When I run three miles, I typically burn between 400 and 500 calories, or a raspberry-filled doughnut and a can of Sundrop.

That’s how I think of food now. A two-piece meal at Bojangles equals six miles of running to burn those 1,000 calories off.

I’m counting calories and doing the whole Fitness Pal thing on my phone. The app says at my current rate of calorie intake, I should lose 10 pounds in five weeks. It’s either that or starve to death after five weeks of limiting my calorie intake.

Adolescence was a breeze compared to this getting old stuff. Someone in those Family Life classes should tell the kids if you think this is tough, just wait until you can’t eat Krispy Kreme doughnuts anymore. That’s when life gets real.

Roger Watson is publisher of The Stanly News & Press.